Last time I posted was almost exactly 2 years ago. I said I would be blogging regularly from then but I didn’t. Lots of things got in the way. Life mostly. A breakup. Moving house. Turmoil. A new relationship. And migraines. Always migraines. In my last post I said I would be blogging regularly from now on. I haven’t blogged at all. I don’t even know if anyone has looked at this site. I doubt it. My other (completely stagnant) sewing and writing blogs occasionally get views I think but I’ve never even looked at the stats for this one. Yet this is the one I feel compelled to return to. Migraine still completely stifles my life at times and I want…need…to write about it, regardless of who reads it.
Since last I wrote I am back on preventatives. I trialled Propranolol first, and when that had adverse affects I was finally allowed to try Topamax. I’d read such good reports. And for the first 4-5 months it seemed to be helping. But lately I feel like I am back at square one. I have an Implanon rod in my arm so I only get my period once every 4-5 months. But every month, without fail, at around the 4th or 5th of the month, I get migraines. One month it will be walking migraine and I’ll just push through the few days until it passes. The next month I’m bedridden. The bedridden scenario is particularly likely if it clashes with a head cold or extra work stress or some other trigger or dilemma or pile on. This month I got a sinus cold and was vomiting in bed whilst trying to do work tasks that had to be done that day. The cycle is clearly hormonal, even without a period, exacerbated by whatever else my life or body throws at me.
On top of the migraines resisting treatment, the side effects of Topamax are not ideal. I have had heightened anxiety and feel like I’m touching on depression…though that’s usually when my migraines are at peak and I think it’s just an accumulation of dealing with this nonsense for 30 years. It’s actually been really, really distressing as everything else in my life is going so well and having lived with a chronic condition my whole life I have been blessed not to have dealt with mental health all that much myself, though I have certainly supported those closest to me. It has felt particularly cruel to be hit with this, and more than once I’ve found myself crying to my boyfriend “isn’t the migraines enough…I don’t need this bullshit too!”. Other side effects have included brain fog and memory weirdness, very occasional vision disturbances and tingling in my hands and feet. The brain and memory stuff is infuriating as I have a very mentally challenging job and I just need my brain to work. When it doesn’t I get stressed, and stress causes migraines.
Treatments for attacks are still Imigran FDT. Though I’ve finally conceded defeat and gotten prescribed Valium to take alongside the Imigran. It is SO much more effective. I only need a low dose and it simply helps my muscles relax so that my body can let the Imigran do it’s job. It’s just very hard not to wonder if people hear the word “valium” and think I’m just popping drugs willy nilly.
Anyway, that’s the current situation. A constant battle and experiment to try and fight this demon that latches on to the back of my skull and won’t. fucking. let. go.
I’ll update my treatment summary which can be found on the “My Story” tab.
Thanks for reading. I won’t promise to post regularly this time, but here’s hoping?